Stop trying to make the Internet boring!

Preface. There’s a weird energy to this planet right now. Maybe it’s just me, but I can’t shake the feeling that the current zeitgeist is one of living under the hammer. The post apocalypse has returned to the media in a big way, with a thematic resurgence in films, video games and literature. There’s climate catastrophe looming ahead, there’s economic catastrophe looming ahead, there’s the coming energy crisis, peak oil, war, overpopulation, religious conflict. So much focus on the negative.

With that mindset, the current religious war in the web development community (though commonly propagated mainly by Angry Internet Men of unclear merit) about the relative merits of HTML5 vs Flash has grown tremendously in scope with the launch of the iPad and Apple’s latest changes to the iPhone 4 SDK agreement.

Suddenly, it’s no longer about Steve Jobs’ hissy fits and Apple/Adobe’s past. It’s now about what it means to be a developer, the tools you choose, the platform you wish to work on. It’s another apocalypse then; The corporations are taking away our anarchistic developer rights to go anywhere, do anything! Time to wave banners, and while we’re at it, choose sides. You know, good/html5/css/js, evil/plugins, or any combination thereof. Whatever.

Holy hell guys! Isn’t this the most BORING shit ever?

Listening to knowitalls babble on about standards and “what’s right” and future proofing, Jesus, how boring can you get?! Stop being so damn boring! Stop saying boring things! Go make some cool shit! Bouncing fucking gradient balls man, let’s go! HTML5 dudes, Flash dudes, jQuery dudes, all of y’all, go make some god damn gradient balls! Make some shape tweening text! Make text adventure games or drawing apps or art or music tools or publishing tools or an awkwardly animated horse that sings or something.

One of the best things about maturing as a developer is watching your horizon broaden.

Man, I love being a developer. I love looking at a screen and an input device and think about what I can do with them. I love digging into frameworks. It’s a ton of fun! It’s engineering, right? You put the thing in the place and pull that string over there and put some tape on the stick and push that and the wheel spins and goes buzz, it’s awesome! It’s the joy of making a thing. It’s why Lego is such a popular toy.

It’s when you start out with JavaScript and realize the similarities to Python and you start tinkering just to see how similar they are. Maybe you fall in love with Python. Maybe you feel straight Java is the next step, or maybe you go low level and dig into C or Assembler. Regardless, you can choose which way you want to go. In this day and age, rarely is there a point where what you made can not be moved to another platform in SOME way shape or form.

Why are there people out there so religious about their choice of language or platform? So jealously defensive about the way they feel things should be done? If there is any argument I have for Apple opening up its platform it would be this: Stop making development boring.

The more these beardy thinky-men are ARGUING over the politics of this shit, the less I wish I’d spent the last decade embedding myself in the business. Every time I hear a pro-apple or pro-Flash argument now, especially retarded shit like this; THAT is what makes me worried about the web as a platform.

More plugins man. More non-standard bullshit. Bring it on. Let’s get this diversity party started.

Some players want this Internet game to stagnate in the ankle-deep murky lukewarm waters of HTML/CSS/JS. For those about to rock that shit, in all honesty, I salute you; You are true, professional masochists.
For those about to raise that flag and proclaim it the future however; come over here, Buzz Killingtons, so I can punch you in the collective mouth, and I’d be honestly surprised if any of you have any real development experience; You’d know how much greener the grass can be.

The only player in this game that currently gets it is Google; The problem with plugins isn’t the notion of a plugin. It’s the framework, and the end-user experience. The end users people! Don’t you want to make cool shit for them to play with? Don’t you want them to open a website and be like..

WHOA. What the hell is this SHIT that’s going on in my browser window!?

Don’t you want to give them a sense of wonder?

Technology is magic guys! Why the hell are some of you so god damn obsessed with codifying it?!

28 thoughts on Stop trying to make the Internet boring!

  1. This is so fucking spot on I can’t even begin to tell you how much I agree with you. Yes yes yes! Thank you for this breath of fresh air. Now I’m off to make some fucking gradient bouncing balls for christ sake.

  2. Hilarious and true – I’m going to blog this I think. I think wierdly we should also give big props to Sunn and Microsoft for making platforms that let you implement any language you like, or even design a new one.

  3. Brilliant!

    All I care about is shinny cool shit. That SW Walker… Well, that’s a bit sad if that’s the level of expectations.

    Will 3D dynamic phong shaded bouncing balls work? I can hook that shit up in 10 minutes with Flash, Away3D and Hype!

  4. I believe Metallica said it best when they wrote:

    Independence limited
    Freedom of choice
    Is made for you, my friend
    Freedom of speech is words that they will bend
    Freedom with their exception


    This made my balls bounce

  5. The irony is that this article is biased to the point of being boring itself.

    “HTML/CSS/JS. For those about to rock that shit, in all honesty, I salute you; You are true, professional masochists.”

    Well…. just shows how little you understand.

  6. The internet is not just about flashy crap. Most of what’s out there is boring and useless, yet flashy. Gradient bouncing balls are fine to play around with, but not every site should have them.

    I like building cool stuff, but you’re only focusing on the UI portion–I guess it’s understandable, if you are a Flash designer. We need cool stuff, but we need depth of understanding of the technologies as well. JavaScript != Python. Anyway…

  7. I absolutely agree. In perspective, I haven’t done GUI for years, and my current projects are in audio synthesis, code parsing and developer tools; I strongly consider myself a Developer.

    Bouncing gradient balls are just symbols of a time when Flash was new and we were all idiots with it, but persisted to be great. We would be nowhere without those hours of play and a stage on which to show it, and the talk of homogenizing the internet makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. It is killing the magic, and the magic is what invites experimentation and more play. All work and no play makes the Internet a place I don’t wanna hang, you dig?

    My worry is simply that we seem to be arguing about wether to reduce the awesome brevity of web content, Which is utter negative bullshit. Reduction? Come on! No standard can ever meet all demands anyway. Hence plugins. Bring them on.

  8. Pingback: Hebiflux » Exp√©rimentation flash du jeudi

  9. For better or worse ‘plugins’ have always been the great enabler in terms of what has been possible on the web. The day that some motion treatment or effect in HTML5 becomes the inspiration for enabling a similar effect using the Flash plugin is the day I stop being a Flash developer.

  10. Pingback: Jobs' thoughts on Flash - DesignersTalk

  11. I stumbled across your site after reading your post at Mike Chambers’ blog (buried among so many others that made me want to put a brick to my face). Well said, and your site is twice as good. I haven’t been this excited about bookmarking a page in quite awhile — top shelf!

  12. Pingback: Great Balls Of Fire, a particle experiment with papervision 3D «

  13. Think it’s time to create a programing language based on swear words from around the world. That way the next time the G*D D@mned Pos didn’t just do it’s Muther(*& thing… you’ll have a hex code to back ya up.

  14. Pingback: Great Balls Of Fire, a particle experiment with papervision 3D » Electrons libres

  15. Personally, I love HTML5, and JavaScript. Attempting to get into CSS3 as well.
    I’d also love to learn Flash. If it were free, that is.

    That’s what’s so attractive to me about HTML5/JS/CSS3. It’s… FREE!!! It is brand new, so right now it can’t really compete with Flash. But as browsers get faster, so will HTML5/JS/CSS3. At the moment I’m not designing games with HTML5/JS/CSS3, but I have been working on learning them, and will be working on websites, games, and whatever else comes to my mind eventually. Until then, I have things like this to keep me motivated:

    I say, if you are willing to pay for Flash, then go ahead and use it. I love Flash games, Flash websites, and random useless Flash apps. But if you don’t want to pay for Flash, and enjoy using the long, complicated, HTML5/JS/CSS3, then do that. I love old fashioned websites who’s sourcecode I can actually read and understand. I love HTML5/JS/CSS3 games. I love random useless apps made to show that HTML5/JS/CSS3 is actually capable of something. The AT-AT demo does not count.

    I also love Python.

  16. Pingback: The Future of Tetragon | Tetragon Engine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>